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Suspicious Wife

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid.

She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.

One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid’s room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.

Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid’s bed beside her…

After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, “Surprised?”

“I sure am, ma’am!” stammered the chauffeur.

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June 30, 2008 Posted by | Humor | Leave a comment

New Fathers

A Pole, an Italian, and a Jew, all first-time fathers, are pacing nervously in the maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a black baby.

“Is it yours?” she asks the Italian.

“Certainly not,” he retorts.

“Yours?” she asks the Pole, who vigorously denies paternity.

“How about you?” she asks the Jew.

“Maybe,” he says glumly. “My wife burns everything.”

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Humor | Leave a comment

The Good Wife !!??

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor`s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don`t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don`t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don`t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
“You`re going to die,” she replied.

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Humor | Leave a comment

Married Men

There is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.

Concerned about this, a woman organisation called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are week, dumb, cantankerous…or what?”

“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied. “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Humor | Leave a comment

Fish, Reptile and Insect Idioms Quiz : The Answers

Okay, if you have tried to answer the quiz in Fish, Reptile and Insect Idioms Quiz.

Here are the answers:

 

  1. b. flea market
  2. d. clammed up
  3. c. loused up
  4. c. bug-eyed
  5. a. snail’s pace
  6. c. cold fish
  7. d. stirred up a hornet’s nest
  8. b. butterflies in his stomach
  9. a. a fish out of water
  10. a. ants in his pants

 

SO, do you have a 100% correct answers? IF yes, then Congratulations!!!

See ya again in another quiz.

 

PS. Click here for The explanation on Fish, Reptile and Insect Idioms and The exercise Fish, Reptile and Insect Idioms Quiz

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Learn English - Answers | Leave a comment

Fish, Reptile and Insect Idioms Quiz

Now that you’ve learnt the Fish, Reptile and Insect Idioms, try to do the quiz below.

 

Choose an idiom to replace the expression in bold italic below.

 

1.      Ani and I went to the secondhand market on Saturday to look for a literary book.

a.       cold fish

b.      flea market

c.       birds and bees

d.      can of worms

 

2.      As soon as Mr. Smith came into the classroom, all students stopped talking.

a.       fished for something

b.      had a bee in her bonnet

c.       made a beeline for me

d.      clammed up

 

3.      He really made a mess of the room he was trying to paint.

a.       bug-eyed

b.      clammed up

c.       loused up

d.      fished for

 

4.      He was totally surprised when we gave him a surprise party.

a.       round robin

b.      loused up

c.       bug-eyed

d.      mad as a hornet

 

5.      The car moved at a slow speed because the driver was still learning to drive.

a.       snail’s pace

b.      fish out of water

c.       holy mackerel

d.      big fish in a small pond

 

6.      She is a real unfriendly person and never talks to neighbors.

a.       fish out of water

b.      kettle of fish

c.       cold fish

d.      round robin

 

7.      She really made a lot of people angry when she mentioned the new plan.

a.       had a bug in her ear

b.      had butterflies in her stomach

c.       stirred up a hornet’s nest

d.      clammed up

 

8.      Tia had much anxiety before the singing competition.

a.       a can of worms

b.      butterflies in her stomach

c.       a fly in the ointment

d.      neither fish nor foul

 

9.      He looked like someone who doesn’t fit in when I saw him at the party last night.

a.       a fish out of water

b.      a kettle of fish

c.       a snail’s pace

d.      a fly in the ointment

 

10.  The little boy seemed to sit in the office with nervous excitement.

a.       ants in his pants

b.      a snail’s pace

c.       the world as his oyster

d.      a cold fish

 

Good Luck!!

 

PS: to see the answer to this quiz, just follw this link Fish, Reptile and Insect Idioms Quiz : The Answers

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Learn English - Quiz | Leave a comment

Fish, Reptile and Insect Idioms

 

 

One of the ways to make your writing or conversation colorful is using idioms. Here are a number of idioms dealing with fish, insect and reptile commonly used by English-speaking people.

 

ants in one’s pants : nervous, over-activity, restlessness.

The teacher asked the little boy if he had ants in his pants when he kept moving around in his seat.

 

bee in one’s bonnet : a fixed idea that seems crazy.

She has a bee in her bonnet and she won’t stop talking about moving to a new apartment.

 

big fish in a small pond : an important person in a small place.

He was very afraid of his wife but in the company he is a big fish in a small pond.

 

birds and bees : facts about sex and birth.

The teacher told all students about the birds and the bees during the biology lessons.

 

bug-eyed : wide-eyed with surprise.

The little boy was bug-eyed when he got a new Play Station for a birthday present.

 

bug in one’s ear : a hint, an idea.

You put a bug in his ear about an eating out in Mc D’s and he won’t stop talking about it.

 

bug someone : annoy or irritate someone.

My friend is beginning to bug me with his constant questions.

 

butterflies in one’s stomach : feeling of fear or anxiety.

I had butterflies in my stomach when I knew I had to see the most beautiful girl in town.

 

can of worms : complex problem or complicated situation.

I opned up a large can of worms when the major decided to banish gambling.

 

clam up : stop talking.

We had to clam up during the meeting so our boss wouldn’t become angry.

 

cold fish : person who is unfriendly or doesn’t mix with others.

He is a real cold fish and has no friends at his company at all.

 

fish for : try to find out some information or ask for a compliment.

He has been fishing for a compliment about his new Italian suit.

 

fish out of water : someone who does not fit in.

She felt like a fish out of water when she went to the party in her formal dress while everyone else was wearing jeans.

 

flea in one’s ear : an idea or answer that is not welcome.

I think that I put a flea in his ear when I told him about the computer problems.

 

flea market : place where antiques, secondhand things and cheap goods are sold.

We go to the flea market every Sunday to look for old phonographs.

 

fly in the ointment : something small that spoils one’s fun.

His complaints about the food were the fly in the ointment and gave everyone a bad feeling about the gathering.

 

Holy mackerel : used to express strong feeling of surprise.

Holy Mackerel! Look at the size of that man’s motorcycle.

 

kettle of fish : the way something is (often used when one is irritated)

That’s a fine kettle of fish. Now I will be late for the next meeting.

 

louse up : make a mess of or spoil something.

Please try not to louse up the computer again. It was working fine this morning.

 

mad as a hornet : very angry, in a fighting mood.

He was as mad as a hornet when he came to work this morning.

 

make a beeline for : go in a straight line.

Whenever he goes to a football game, he always makes a beeline for the food stand.

 

neither fish nor fowl : something or someone that does not belong to a definite group.

I don’t know what you should call it. It is neither fish nor fowl.

 

round robin : a contest or game in which each player or team plays every other player or team in turn, a meeting in which each one in a group takes part.

He took part in the round robin competition at his school.

 

snail’s pace : very slow movement forward.

The cars were moving at a snail’s pace when the parade came to town.

 

stir up a hornet’s nest : make many people angry

He really stirred up a hornet’s nest when he went to the meeting and started talking about the garbage problem.

 

world is one’s oyster : one can get anything that one wants.

When you graduate from university, don’t think the world will be your oyster.

 

That’s it. Now try to learn all the idioms carefully in your heart. Then try to the quiz in the “Learn English – Quiz” category.

 

Vocabulary :

 

Bonnet             = topi, biasanya diikat dibawah dagu dengan tali atau pita, dipakai oleh wanita, anak-anak perempuan dan bayi.

Birth                = 1 kelahiran. 2 timbulnya. b. certificate akte kelahiran, surat lahir. b. control pembatasan kelahiran, perencanaan berkeluarga, keluarga berencana.

Bug                  = 1 hama, binatang-binatang keci

Banish              = membuang. to b. all o’s fears membuang semua ketakutannya.

Clam                = remis besar, semacam kijing

Flea                  = kutu (pada hewan). flea-bitten ks. digigit kutu (anjing, kuda dsb). f. market pasar loak/rombengan.

Compliment      = pujian

Ointment          = Salep

Mackerel          = sejenis ikan air tawar.

Louse               = kutu, tuma, caplak

Hornet              = langau kerbau, tabuhan, penyengat. to stir up a hornet’s nest menimbulkan keributan, membangunkan ular tidur.

Fowl                = Unggas

Robin               = semacam burung murai.

Snail                 = keong, siput

Oyster              = tiram. o. bed petiraman

Fly                   = lalat. 2 golbi, tutup luar (of trousers). 3 Fish.: mata pancing yang berumpan seperti serangga terbang.

PS. If you are interested to do a quiz about these idioms, fell free to go to this link Fish, Reptile and Insect Idioms Quiz

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Learn English - Vocabulary | Leave a comment

PCMAV 1.4 Build 2 ( New Database 30 Juni 2008 )

NIh linknya Database PCMAV BUild 2 per tanggal 30 JUni 2008.

Selamat Mencoba.

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Computer & Techs, Downloads | Leave a comment

Pelajaran dari Buah & Sayuran

1. Jadilah Jagung, Jangan Jambu Monyet.
Jagung membungkus bijinya yang banyak, sedangkan jambu monyet
memamerkan bijinya yang cuma satu-satunya.

Jangan pamer…kecuali kalo lagi pameran .

2. Jadilah pohon Pisang.
Pohon pisang kalau berbuah hanya sekali, lalu mati.

Kesetiaan dalam pernikahan .

3. Jadilah Duren, jangan kedondong
Walaupun luarnya penuh kulit yang tajam, tetapi dalamnya lembut dan
manis. hmmmm, beda dengan kedondong, luarnya mulus, rasanya agak asem
dan didalemnya ada biji yang berduri.

Walaupun penampakanku kasar tapi aku lembut loh…

4. Jadilah bengkoang.
Walaupun hidup dalam kompos sampah, tetapi umbinya isinya putih
bersih.

Jagalah hati jangan kau nodai meskipun…kamu mainnya di tempat
sampah,
hehehehe…

5. Jadilah Padi.
Makin berisi, makin merunduk. Tapi awas ada wereng…

6. Jadilah Pohon kelapa.
Sudah terkenal dengan serba gunanya, tidak bisa di manipulasi
(maksudnya kelapa ngak bisa dicangkok.)

7. Jadilah tandan Pete, bukan tandan rambutan.
Tandan pete membagi makanan sama rata ke biji petenya, semua
seimbang, ngak seperti rambutan : ada yang kecil ada yang gede .

8. Jadilah cabe .
Makin tua makin pedes, makin tua makin judes loh..!!! (baca =
bijaksana)

9. Jadilah buah manggis
Bisa ditebak isinya dari bokong buahnya, maksudnya jangan munafik
…hmmmm

10. Jadilah buah nangka
Selain buahnya, nangka memberi getah kepada penjual atau yg
memakannya, artinya berikan kesan kepada semua orang (tentunya yg
baek).

June 29, 2008 Posted by | Soul's Medicine | Leave a comment

Side Effects of Love : Female Version !!

Overtime –

If you are in a 9-5 job, and your man goes to office from 11am-11pm, you have to do Overtime. Meaning, you sleep late, get up early.. make food after you get home (even if you have had the toughest day in your life, first cook his food).

Food –

as much as he might be OK with you not knowing how to cook, he expects you will learn and make him some good food, if not as good as his moms (never will be), atleast something edible.

Food changes everything –

His mood, his feelings for you, his opinion of you. Believe me, EVERYTHING.

His friends/ your friends –

become ‘Our Friends’

‘Commitment’ –

the word that scares him the most in the English dictionary.

The 2-faced man –

as much as he likes you to be ‘western’ in your clothing, he would Really prefer the traditional girl in you.

The Kid –

Men will always be boys. They don’t grow up..EVER.

Appreciate his brilliance from time to time –

Men like to be appreciated for their ideas/ methods / conversations / advice.. Many of the brilliant conversations come after a few pegs are down.. (they may be repetitive, but, don’t notice).. So, give it to him .

Tell him who you find Hot. He doesn’t believe in the line, ” Tu hi to mera sansar hai.. Aisa mera pyaar hai”. He wants to know who his competition is!! (Even though there may be none).

Momma’s boy –

At the end, Momma knows everything & you don’t know anything.

‘The Image” –

‘I don’t fall for ANY girl.. Girls fall for me” Poor dude, doesn’t know when reality hits him, “Chappad phaad ke deta hai”.

Most common gene –

“I am emotionally stable & mature” – Yeah, and I am the princess of Narnia.

Decision Maker –

He makes ALL the decisions in the house.. He decides which bank account the money comes out of – urs or mine?

Sports –

“Even if the streets are filled with riots, and there is an Arsenal – Chelsea match, the match is more important.. Don’t disturb!” Even if they don’t understand the sport, they have to watch it & make comments.

Friends –

Constant comparison as to whether they are ‘Joey’ or ‘Chandler’ or ‘Ross’, and couldn’t care less about which of them you are..

The Acid test –

The best Friend.

Weekend –

“Life is a weekend” – it seems that they live from Sunday to Saturday, and thus you work Overtime (refer to point no. 1) during the week.. and you don’t even get any extra credit for it.

Gossip Mongrels –

He wants all the gossip on your friends, but, wont accept that its gossip, coz, then, its called ‘An update’.

$moking –

Time pass & a good reason to check out the women at office..

Women Effect –

The ex-s, the present, mom, sister, sister-in-law, cousin sister, all the women in his life- His biggest balancing act.

Work-life balance –

He is always the busy one at work.. If by any chance you are busy one day, god help you.

Flirting –

He thinks it’s an art, and he knows it! Worst of all, he thinks that’s how he got you.

Fights & Makeup –

Goes by the assumption that a kiss or a rose is all that you need to patch up after a fight.. I say, “Be a man”,Lets talk.

TV Remote –

What is that?

Statements you hear often from your boyfriend –

 
“I have to take care of the family” – I am not family.”Main hoon na” – That’s the problem.

“Who is she talking to for SO long?” – Dude, its only been 10 minutes.

“Your phone is constantly engaged.. Who are you talking to?” (no matter what the reply, its not good enough)

“Make tea na… Get me biscuits… Maggiiiiiii…” – Get a cook.

“What are we doing for dinner tonight?” – Like I have a say in the matter.

“Uff.. How much Shopping will you do?” – even when the last time you went Shopping was 3 months back.

 

To the men reading this post –

We all know the reality of the situation, so, lets not be justfying anything said here.

 

To the women reading this post –

Have I left out any important points?

 

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer –

 

 

 

 

This is a collection of thoughts from women with boyfriends & not about anybody in particular. Any coincidence with my friends’ behaviors with their girlfriends is purely coincidental.

 

 

June 28, 2008 Posted by | Humor | Leave a comment